Parenting and Family Education

Archive for August, 2009

I recently heard this story from an employee and just knew I needed to share it with you.

Recently at lunch with a group of coworkers, we focused our attention on one of our coworkers who was about to deliver her first baby. Light hearted conversation followed with some suggestions from some of us more seasoned parents. When asked what my advice might be as a parent of two young adults and a teenager, I found the question too daunting to come up with an answer.

I looked at the expectant mothers innocent face full of wonder and anticipation for this miraculous new season of life while 20+ years of parenting choices flashed in my mind nursing vs. baby formula, am I leaving my child vulnerable to disease if I don’t immunize or am I subjecting them to risk by immunizing, how can I possibly balance all the demands on my time, is daycare a good thing or not, are we compromising too much by what our kids are exposed to riding the bus and going to public school, I know the movie is rated PG13 but todays PG13 is like yesterdays R rated movie, how can I give permission for my daughter’s Brownie leader to drive her troop to Brownie outings when she has a known drinking problem, I know you want to sleep over at your friend’s house but we don’t feel that her dad is safe the choices got progressively harder as our children got older. I often felt the choices and scenarios were impossible.

Okay, so experienced parent that I am, what’s my advice? What has been my fail-safe response? Believe it or not, I do have one that has NEVER failed me. Not even once.

My advice to parents is to grasp the incredible power available to them as they pray for their children. No one can speak into a child’s life the way a parent can. God has anointed parents and given them authority over all of the challenges their children are facing.

This didn’t make my parenting challenges go away but I’ll tell you what it did do. First and foremost prayer for my children changed me. My awareness of how inadequate I was to make decisions on behalf of this individual who I loved more than my own life, drew me closer to God than any experience could have. I learned to trust Him and rely on Him. I began to experience His peace over my over-stimulated and conflicted mind. I learned his faithful nature as I watched him bring us through challenge after challenge. I personally and intimately experienced His provision, His protection, His promises and a stronger faith.

As parents, you and I are in the unique position to pray over every aspect of our children’s lives.

Here’s what has worked for me. As I move through the day, I pray over all the little caretaking tasks of parenting. I thank God for His provision as I wash my kid’s clothes and ask Him to cover them with protection and guidance as they pull their hooded sweatshirts on. I thank God for the ability to care for my family and ask Him to bless their health as I make their meals. I pray for His peace over their beds as I put things away in their rooms. I pray for God’s wisdom and discernment over their backpacks as I step over them walking in the door. I pray for self control and purity as I dust the Television and pick up their IPODS. I pray for the blessing of godly relationships over their cell phones.

Powerful words of prayer will make parenting a joyful adventure full of inspiration!

That’s what I’m going to say the next time I’m asked for seasoned parenting advice.

Some people believe that parenting skill is born along with a child – if only that were true! The thought that everything that happens to a baby or child will create the adults they become is daunting, and parents often don’t realise the extent of parenting skill they are going to require.

So what are the skills that parents need? Well, the most obvious skill is to know about the physical needs of your child. Most people get this right, but there are others with no parenting skill at all whose children become malnourished or sick from poor hygiene. If you need information on this there are plenty of organizations, books and websites that can help you.

Secondly, there is the parenting skill of providing the right amount of discipline for your child. Experts are divided on level and degree of discipline – but the key is consistency and agreement between parents. It is also important not to punish your child physically, and to try and make the punishment appropriate to the offence. For example if your child won’t stop playing his video game to do his chores, removal of the game would be a fair punishment and will teach him the relationship between actions and consequences. Setting clear boundaries for your child and making sure they understand what will happen if they step outside those boundaries is a vital parenting skill.

Thirdly, there is the skill of creating a morally good, complete human being. This is the hardest parenting skill of all because there are less hard facts, less evidence and less right and wrong answers. There are things that the experts agree on, however:

Showing your child love, approval and respect can give them the basis to do the same. Show interest in your child, listen to them, talk to them, and encourage them to share any problems with you. By not listening to a child you are telling them that it is OK to think only of themselves and not care about others. Give them behaviour to model. Children copy adults, by showing a good example to your children you are helping them. Be aware of what your children are doing. By letting them watch adult movies or play adult games you are saying that those things are OK. Let their activities be age appropriate. Spend time as a family. Whatever the make-up of your family, spend some time together, children who spend more time with siblings and parent(s) generally become more family minded themselves. It doesn’t have to be a big chore, family time once or twice a week where everyone does something together is a great start.

All parenting skills are important, and whatever you do with your children, the main things to ask yourself is, “Would I have wanted that to happen to me? Would it have done me good?” The important thing about parenting skill is that if you think you need help; ask for it. There are many organizations around that are set up purely for that purpose. If you are not happy asking for help then there are books and websites that can give you fantastic advice.

New parents are often warned that the ages one to three are, perhaps, the busiest time for child rearing, as it is during this phase that the child learns to walk, talk, and do things all by himself or herself. For the experienced, parenting toddlers is the most critical stage as they tend to absorb every bit of information around them and are the best imitators. As parents, we have to be careful about what we say or do in front of our children.

Parenting Tip: Toddler Rearing 101

Children’s minds are like sponges; they absorb everything they see, hear, smell, taste, feel, without knowledge of good and bad. It is during the toddlers activity stage that their brains are totally without filters, making the expression ‘Monkey see, monkey do’ very appropriate. Good parenting skills, therefore, means being extra mindful of our own actions as adults and leaving very little room for lapses in our behavior and habits.

Of course, we can’t always control what our children are exposed to. It would be an ill decision to keep our toddlers locked in a specific environment just because we want them to grow up ‘perfect’. We have to let our children grow — and part of this growth means being acquainted with not so positive elements from their surroundings.

Parenting Tip: Toddler Environments

Television is often the number one enemy of parents looking to raise well-mannered and well-behaved children. Toddlers activity often involve exposure to different kinds of visual media. However, while there is a huge risk that they will get exposed to violence and bad examples, there exists an equally large chance for learning.

Do not deprive your toddler of television; instead, monitor what he or she watches and physically be there to immediately explain things he or she might not be able to understand. Having other avenues for learning, like toys and books, around also introduces variety to toddlers activity, so they don’t just focus on one medium.

Overall, good parenting skills and making sure your toddlers get more of the positive than of the negative out of their environment means you have to be there to provide guidance and love. Absentee parenting no doubt increases the child’s predisposition to ill behavior. By setting a positive example and building a relationship that encourages questions, you can better guide your toddler toward a positive demeanor.