Parenting and Family Education

Archive for September, 2009

Of  all the positive attitude tips offered on the many self help resources available the best is to change the way you think. And if it was really that simple then this article would end here.

However, knowing what to do is different from figuring out how to do it. You cannot change the way you are thinking if you are not aware of how you are thinking, so any list of positive attitude tips must include suggestions for self analysis and emotional reflection.

Starting at the beginning it becomes self evident that positive attitude tips can only be offered if we first understand what the word attitude really means. In everyday common language the word attitude has many meanings, but it is mostly used to refer to a cognitive construct or in simpler terms a “pattern of thinking”.

Since we cannot see the way a person is thinking, attitude is usually inferred from behaviour. When a person’s cognitive construct or way of thinking is positive their behaviour will reflect what will be interpreted as a positive attitude.

A positive attitude allows a person to create the life they want because they are not afraid to see things as they really are and work to create their own reality. A positive attitude really reflects a lack of fear in moving forward and creating change.

There are many benefits of a positive attitude including:

better health improved relationships with others both at home and at work more opportunities for success improved productivity

How Do You Devleop a Positive Attitude?

It is a partially true statement that we get our attitude from our parents!  It is partially true because what happens to us in life is only part of the equation for developing a positive attitude How we interpret what happens to us is equally if not more important in creating our attitudes.

What is a cognitive distortion?

If you interpret what happens to you in a negative way you develop what are called cognitive distortions.  Cognitive distortions are nothing more that errors in interpretation and those errors can be changed if identified, examined, and re-interpreted in a positive way.

Positive attitutde tips must include the reccommendation to become aware of your own cognitive distortions and change them!  Cgnitive distortions keep you in a pattern of thinking which forms a barrier to creating the life you really want.

The cognitive distortions which would be behind a negative attitude would go something like this:

“I screwed up again.” “I am not smart enough to try that.” “It is not really what I want but it is good enough for me.” “If I ask for help people will think I am stupid and know that I cannot even run my own life”

The cognitive construct behind a positive attitude would go something like this:

“Even though this bad thing happened, I am still a good person.” “I am going to take this opportunity to learn as much about why this happened as I can because I do not want it to happen to me again.” “I think that perhaps I need some help with this because I do not seem to be able to help myself in a way that is helping to resolve this problem.”

The difference between these two ways of thinking is immedaately obvious. Think of it this way:

Developing a positive attitude means interpreting life’s events in a way that is truthful, honest, and self affirming and keeping a positive attitude means continuing with these positive and self affirming interpretations of life’s events, even negative events.

It is possible to change your attitude!  But it does require identification and critical analysis of your own beliefs about yourself and the life you think you deserve.

The best possible of all the positive attitude tips?  Change the way you think!

Whether single or not, all parents leave long lasting impressions on their child’s life. This is particularly true for single parents. Death, divorce or whatever is the cause of this singularity, it likely leaves deep impressions on the emerging personality of the child. What actually matters is the way the single parent responds to the task of single parenthood. In whichever manner the single parent has dealt with the parenting challenge, there are deep effects on the child’s character and individuality as compared to the children of parents living together.

Being a child to a single parent is a complex situation. Children look up and follow their parents. If the parents are confident and stable, their children feel secure and confident. The sense of belonging to a single parent who is either living as an unmarried heterosexual couple or a homosexual couple or without a partner at all has a disturbing effect on the child’s personality. Although the laws and norms of societies have changed, unlawful children are made fun of. They are called bastards, illegal and at some places natural born children. As it is a social taboo, it always haunts the child that his mother was never married to his father or at times the fathers refuse to recognize these children as theirs. They are singled out by others at school and playgrounds and made fun of. All these effect the child’s personality and self confidence. As a result of which they become reluctant to attend school and socialize. These are part of difficulties that children of lone parents have to go through.

Bringing up children as a single father is a tough task. Being a father you have to go to work as well as look after your young ones which is very taxing. You can really fatigue. As a single father neither you nor your child has the liberty to share your thoughts with the mother. The children particularly feel comfortable to converse with their mother for many of their problems. A number of public schools also don’t consider single parents worthy for the task which adds to their worries.

Some of the societies don’t accept single parents who exercise this option by choice. In many areas it is considered illegal and morally corrupt. Others consider it a religious taboo particularly the Bible belt. As the society looks down upon them and socially isolates them they feel left out. This makes their life nerve-racking. It is not always easy to migrate from one place to other due to job and financial reasons.

From the above it appears that there is nothing positive in single parenting, how ever on the contrary there is some ray of hope also. Recently some work done at Cornell University about the implications of single parenthood, particularly single mothers on the academic and behavioral progress of children in early teens revealed no harmful effects. This is very encouraging for single mothers. At last it is now obvious that if they are considerate and looking after thier young ones with love and affection, the single status would not be a hurdle in bringing up confident, well mannered and contented children.

Parenting is difficult enough. And so is skill. And so is good. Putting them together is like doing Calculus while balancing yourself in the 50 meter- elevated pole. Good parenting skills.

Some parents feel that they fail as parents when they compare themselves to other parents. This is not the way parenting goes. Like you, other parents have different sets of circumstances. Points of comparison are small like having kids with the same age as you have.

On the other hand, parents feel that they are a failure when their kids grow up and become people they as parents like them to be. Some parents feel that when a child becomes a singer touring with the band instead of a doctor, they feel that they failed. No. Parenting is not a one blue print of what you as a parent want to do to your children.

Good parenting skills involve time. You do not just become the good parent in two weeks. Like other skills, parenting involves time. You learn as your children are growing up. And learning as parents simply do not stop even if your children have their own children.

Good parenting involves a lot of sacrifices. As a parent, you simply cannot go on one week vacations with your friends to stay on a nice beach resort. You can do that when you were single but as a parent, your children are your responsibility. You sacrifice some things that are important to you but you have to remember that your family is the most important.

Good parenting also is a big commitment to become worthy of emulation. Good parents are their children’s role model and hero. Little kids especially watch the way their parents talk, react and act. They simply do not perfectly know yet the difference between bad and good and right and wrong. Children depend on their parents for wisdom.

Children will discover the world more as they grow older. This is when the foundation of good morals and values will be tested. Your children will encounter difficulties and struggles along the way but when you raised them up good, you will not worry so much because they are grounded.

One good parenting skill is the skill of forgiveness and acceptance. Sometimes, because of extreme disappointment and frustration over their children, some parents simply give up. However, this is when your children will need you the most. The moments when nobody will ever care to accept them. As bad as they may seem, parents are still the number one source of forgiveness and acceptance. Of course it will take time because of the pain but love should never fade away.

Good parenting skills are not simply a to- do list or a checklist of what is right to do as a parent. Rather, good parenting skills are something that is learned through time and experiences and are based very much on what is in your heart. May love, grace, hope and faith rule in your heart as you begin to reflect them on your children. Happy parenting!