Parenting and Family Education

Archive for December, 2009

“Restless in bed and sleepless through the night, I longed for my lover.

I wanted him desperately. His absence was painful…”- – Song of Solomon 3:1 (The Message)
Believe it or not, this verse describes the heart’s desire for a lot of new moms. Yet, as her husband you may be wondering if you and your spouse will ever engage in a healthy sexual relationship again. You really want to enjoy some time together as a couple, but are you uncertain how to approach her, especially since the baby was born? Here are some tips that any new mom would appreciate her husband taking into consideration:
1. Timing
Too often the joke is that sex slows down after marriage, and then completely stops after having children – as if women are no longer interested in sex after the children are born. What a raw deal! Most women enjoy healthy sexual relationships, but as a new mom she may need more understanding from you regarding timing and frequency.
Husband Tip: Be sensitive to the timing of her delivery. Physical healing after delivery is necessary to avoid further medical issues. Also, she may need some time for the emotional adjustment that comes with caring for a newborn – especially if there is more than child at home.
2. There is more to sex than just intercourse
For most women, sex is experiential, not just physical. In addition, the experiential part of sex starts long before the physical encounter. It is the emotional connection that that we are after, not just the physical pleasure.
Husband Tip: Be intentional about talking to your wife throughout the day. Start in the morning – that is if she is awake! Follow up perhaps throughout the day with a phone call to see how her day is going. Perhaps try and meet her for lunch. Keep in mind the simplest things can mean the most.
3. The biggest turn on that doesn’t cost a cent
Want to know something that you can do that can be a huge turn on to your wife that will not cost you a dime? Two words: help her. A lot of new moms feel like they need to do everything well – keep the house, meet all the needs of the baby and her family and work full time. It can mean the world to a new mom, when her spouse offers to help her out without having to be asked.
Husband Tip: Find something that your wife does not enjoy, or really needs help with and start doing it. Does she like waking up to a clean kitchen? Why not do the dishes? If you are really stuck on some ideas of what to do, why not ask her?
4. Physical appearance
For a new mom, physical appearance can be very sensitive. Often, it can take a while to lose any excessive weight gained from pregnancy. In a culture that tends to place a lot of emphasis on appearance, a new mom can be left feeling discouraged. As her husband, you can play significant role in her self esteem by providing verbal affirmation.
Husband Tip: Be observant of the strides that she is making to both lose weight, and express them. Also be intentional on how you can affirm her inner beauty not just her external looks. If you are afraid you may forget, then write down I Thessalonians 5:14 somewhere you will see it to remind you.
5. We need time away… without the kids
Often, a new mom can feel like she is in a whirlwind of new activity. Or you as her spouse may be feeling, often as she does, that your relational closeness is slipping away. Couples need time to focus on one another without being distracted with parenting. Stronger marital relationship makes for better parenting.
Husband Tip: Plan a weekend or overnight get away for you and your spouse alone. If you must take the baby with you because of breastfeeding, then still plan a special day where you can have some fun together alone.
Parenting a newborn can bring a shock to any marital relationship. It requires a lot of physical time and emotional energy from a new mom. As her husband, there are simple things you can do that will are meaningful and motivating to rekindle your marital relationship.

Being a first time parent is hard enough. With postnatal preparations, you also have to prepare for the arrival of your baby.

The process of being a new parent.

If you want to become the parent that you desired to be, you should investigate further.

Here are the processes that you should know to become skilled in parenting.

- To find out answers to solving your parenting issues, you can talk to another parent whom has actually gone through that same situation with their before. There are parenting forums that are available online nowadays and some are equipped with online chat options. There are many websites about parenting and you can find nearly all solution to every type of situation out there. Try to look at how other parents have ended their issues and what their solution was and try to see if that may actually work for you.

Parenting is a never-ending job.

Most parents want nothing but the best for their children. Parenting is the hardest job and that applies to whether you are a first time parent or whether you already have several kids. For a parent, their children are the ones who bring delightful joy in their lives, and though sometimes it is unavoidable that they too can bring tragic sorrows. Children now, regardless of their age needs help and proper guidance from you their parents. Parenting never stops, whether you realized it or not.

Teach your kids self-reliance

If you suddenly noticed that you constantly give in to your child’s whims, take a pause and ask yourself what made you do such a thing. As a result of your child feeling self-sufficient, they will feel confident enough to rise above any situation. As young as two years old, a child can start learning to do easy chores. Most of the time, it is out of you own desire for materialistic pressures, or to be liked and sometimes fervently wish that your child may be spared of the things that you did not experience as a child and as an action you would want to do your best to give them nothing but the best of everything.

Get more compliance from your child.

Brainstorming with your child as opposed to focusing on what reward/s will be given after they have accomplished a task will prove that you will be rewarded with cooperation from your child. Start to establish house rules – For instance, if your house rule is that bedtime should be at 8 pm, simply state the rule. To be able to get to the next place with your child, make it fun – If your child is the type that has troubles with changes and becomes oppositional, you can ask him/her to hop like a kangaroo to the door, or even have their favorite thing waiting in the car for them thus providing cooperation from you child.

Common child and parent problems.

All of us went through that stage where we all wanted to be just like all the other famous kids. Parents have the choice and the chance to curve your life’s path towards being a good parent. Parenting may be hard for some, while it can be easy for others. There, now you can say that being a parent is incomparable.

Make memories with quality family time.

First, parents should try to rearrange their schedules in order the entire family to sit down for meals even if it’s just for one meal out of the week.

The following tips ensure that your family time will be stress free and will ensure that you will make your family memories last for a lifetime:

- Parents have to first establish some positive uplifting points, authoritative parenting styles or topics for dinner table conversations. Avoid criticisms, arguing or squabbling during family dinners.

- Parents should turn off the television during dinner time so that you can focus on family conversations. During dinner, there should not be anyone talking on the cell phone or playing electronic game (except for emergencies).

Even though we need a license to do many things in life — everything from driving and operating a forklift to practicing medicine and fishing — there is no license required to become a parent and this is often the trickiest of all of the above activities!

Parenting today is far more difficult than it was, even a generation ago. Many well-intentioned parents are using outdated and ineffective parenting styles. As a result, they experience daily frustration and stress in their home.
Below you will find my top 7 tips for good parenting. These tips inspire children to want to be well behaved, can reduce family fights and boost family joy.
Good Parenting Tip #1 – If you love your kids—put yourself first!
One of the best things we can do for our children is to give them a foundation for becoming a happy and healthy adult. Self-care should not be a luxury for parents—it needs to become a necessity. You need self-care both for being a good parent and a healthy and balanced human being. Far too many children are living with parents who are stressed out and frankly, not at all fun to be around. If you are repeatedly burning the midnight oil, you may be on the brink of parent burnout—not a pleasant thing for you or your family to experience.
Good Parenting Tip #2 – If married—put your marriage before your kids!
Most of us have heard of Generation X and Generation Y. But did you realize that Generation S—Generation Spoiled—is on the rise? Many children today are raised with an unhealthy sense of entitlement because their parents have made them the center of the universe. With divorce statistics still hovering around 50%, children are far too often coping with unhappy, failing marriages and divorce– much worse for them than missing out on a couple of toys or brand name jeans. Take a stand and put some time into your marriage (like go on a date night)—for your whole family’s sake!
Good Parenting Tip #3 – Cherish your children
No matter what your situation—no matter how often your children drive you crazy—know there are thousands of people in this world who would gladly trade places with you. There are couples who would give anything to just have a child. Strive to remember how truly fortunate you are. Hug your children at least three times a day. Regularly tell them how grateful you are to have the opportunity to be their parent.
Good Parenting Tip #4 – Teach your kids to fish—don’t fish for them!
Many parents do everything for their kids. This only robs their children of the opportunity to learn self-reliance—which is vital to building their self-esteem. One of the best things you can do is to help your kids learn how to do things for themselves. One of the chapters of my first book on effective parenting is called “How To Get Your Kids Doing Their Chores Smiling”. Some parents think I am from another planet when I even suggest that kids can learn to do chores with a smile on their face. These same doubting parents are often happily surprised when they see it is possible—in their own home and in this century! Household chores teach basic life skills everyone needs to know. Also, chores give children the opportunity to contribute to the household in a positive and meaningful way.
Good Parenting Tip #5 – Focus on what you like, not on what you don’t
If children aren’t being appreciated and aren’t getting attention for what they do well—and when they behave well—you better believe they will learn to get attention for not behaving well. The more you notice what you like about what they’re doing, the less likely they are to morph into destructive little terrors and the more likely you will inspire your child to repeat the good behaviors and achievements you love.
Good Parenting Tip #6 – Give respect and expect it in return
Don’t do anything to your child that you wouldn’t want your child to do to you. The list of things you don’t want to be doing includes: yelling, hitting, spitting, and put downs. There are far better ways for you to handle conflict, stress and common misbehaviors. Commit to learning these “Ultimate Parenting” tools that are based on mutual respect—not fear based punishment that only teaches our kids to not get caught next time!
Good Parenting Tip #7 – A family that plays together stays together!
Have fun—play with your kids. Laughing, tickling, and enjoying one another’s company is the foundation of a happy home. Having fun can go a long way towards preventing much of the needless conflict and behaviors that drive you crazy. It also provides your family with much needed quality time.
These seven effective parenting tips above are child-proofed, effective and fun. By taking the time to learn how to bring out the best in you and in your children, you will reap the rewards that come from the peace of mind—knowing that you did all you could to support and nurture a happy and healthy family life.