Parenting and Family Education

Archive for January, 2010

We all want parenting advice that provides us with the tools we need to raise happy healthy children.

Good parenting does not result from using a standardized recipe or cookie cutter approach to the many challenges our offspring present to us. Good parenting really comes from learning as you go.

Ask yourself, “What kind of adults do I want my children to be?” and then set about to create the circumstances that will allow that to happen. You want your children to be “happy” but if you focus on making your children happy you will not be providing them with the skills they need to create their own happiness.

What you need to be doing is raising your children to be responsible, reliable, and productive adults.

Here are some parenting tips on how to raise responsible, reliable, and productive citizens for tomorrow’s society.

Let your children make mistakes – your child can never learn how to make a good decision if he is not allowed to make a bad one. As the parent you have more wisdom and knowledge about risk and it is your responsibility to assess the possible risk and consequences of a bad decision. Give your child the responsibility for making decisions that have consequences which are of low risk and age appropriate. Parents need to give over the responsibility of decision making and control to the child. This needs to be timed properly not only for the child’s age level but also by the child’s individual maturity level and trustworthiness.
Do not rescue your children from the consequences of their own mistakes. If your child harms someone else with her actions she needs to apologize and if she breaks someone else’s property then she needs to replace it. This can start with children when they are very young. If your child is never connected to the consequences of her own actions she can never develop a sense of responsibility and accountability for what she does. Your child has to make reparations for harm they caused someone else and it is highly recommended that you are involved in that reparation but only in a way that assists her. Your child should be involved from start to finish in carrying out the necessary apology or actions needed to make things right again.
Let your child see you make mistakes but more importantly let your child hear you talk about them and identify why that decision was wrong and what you learned from it. Then do not make the same mistake again! If you do not change your behaviour as a result of what you have learned your child will identify your insincerity and lack of integrity very quickly and know that your statements are meaningless. In short he will learn that you “talk the talk” but you do not “walk the walk”. Your child does not learn from your mistakes, your child learns by seeing you learn from your mistakes. Engaging your child in rationale analysis of why things went wrong will help them to develop skills of critical inquiry that will serve them well in adult life.
Take responsibility for your own mistakes. Most things that happen to you in life are the result of your own actions. If your child sees you taking responsibility she is less likely to see herself as a victim of circumstance and are more likely to feel empowered and in control of her own life.
Apologize when you are wrong. You cannot and should not expect yourself to be perfect. If you were wrong in your judgement say so. “I am so sorry I yelled at you like that, it was very unkind and I apologize. However, you did not follow the rules and so the punishment still stands.”
Teach your child how to ask for help. Perhaps the greatest life skill you can teach your child is that nobody can do everything by themselves all the time. We spend so much time trying to raise independent citizens of tomorrow we forget to teach our children how to ask for help. In order to be productive and positive citizens your child needs to know when he is out of his league and how to seek out help from those who are best equipped to help him. So many problems could be solved so easily if people would just recognize that they have a problem and seek out ways to prevent it from developing into something more complicated.

The best common sense parenting advice for raising your children to be reliable responsible adults? Be a good role model.

Like it or not your children will quite likely grow up to be just like you but in a slightly different package.

It’s not unusual to find both parents working. There may also be times when you have to attend functions as a couple. In both cases, you may need to leave the kids with someone trustworthy.

If you want the peace of mind, the best way is to find the best sitter. The process of getting a sitter however probably is not that simple. What do parents have take note of when picking a sitter?

Start as Soon as Possible

If you want to have a break as a couple, then begin your search for a sitter early. This means planning all your night outs, breaks, work commitments ahead of time. This is to ensure that when you decide to study your sitter options, you have more time to study qualifications and be discriminating.

Study All Your Options

Needless to say, you would want a sitter that can be entrusted with your kids’ safety. A relevant tip therefore is to look at all your options. You can look for sitting services in the paper. Just make sure that the services you choose are ones which conduct some form of background check on their sitters. Another good parenting tip on this aspect is to advertise with your local community organizations or groups. One of the best thing to do however is to ask close relatives and friends to recommend some good sitters.

Ask For a Lot of Things

When you’re done looking for sitters and there are already applicant for the position, start a good screening process. Ask the right questions. Many highly recommend asking for references and actually checking and calling on those references. You should also consider a lot of questions during your interview with potential sitters.

Ask about length of experience as a sitter, ages of kids looked after, training in CPR or other relevant training. Make sure the applicant sitters know what they should do during emergency situations like the child choking or falling down the stairs.

Take the Time to Observe

When you have selected a sitter already, take the time to observe how the sitter interacts with the kids. One parenting tip is to see if the sitter seems naturally comfortable with the kids and vice versa. Another thing to do for additional safety is to install nanny cameras.

Ask the Kids

Always talk to your kids about their experience with their baby sitter. You can ask them to describe what they did that day, if they enjoyed being with their sitter, what new things their sitter taught them and what other things their sitter has been doing. Be sensitive to such warning signs as discomfort among your kids when you ask them sitter related questions and bumps and bruises in inconspicuous parts of your child’s body.

As parenting continues to evolve, new methods of positive parenting are always being developed. Every generation that ages begins to apply new ideas. Currently there are new methods to help parents in raising children. Positive parenting is a way to correct kids without making the children feel down or stupid. One technique is to show a child the right way to do something and reinforcing that positive feeling. The child may fail at a task but the parent is reassuring and lets the kid try it again until they get it right.

Positive parenting works for many kids but there are some parents and kids that may not be able to accomplish this task. That doesn’t mean that the parent or child is failing. Remember, positive parenting will not work all the time. A parent can work at finding positive markers for their children. Look for things that a child responds to, then use that reinforcement in other areas of his life. What the parent is trying to do is to make a child better prepared for the real world that they will someday live in. Starting early in life can make this type of parenting ingrained in the child.

Competition in the Adult World

As ones children get older and they want to spread their wings and fly into the adult world, they can only take with them those things that the parents taught them. The marketplace of America can be tough on those not prepared. If a parent concentrated on only positive parenting, the child will be very disappointed. Not everybody wins in the real world; in fact, most of the time will be filled with disappointment. The difference is how the child reacts to negatives. Learning to cope with loss or negatives is what being successful is all about. Mistakes can change strategy into a winning plan.

If America’s top 100 successful people were polled, every single person would tell of more failures in their early adulthood. They might also say that the failures were what eventually made them successful adults. Positive parenting is a great tool for raising kids, but allow them to make mistakes with small consequences to learn that every action they do has a consequence. Sometimes the consequence is good and sometimes the consequence is less favorable. Teaching the child this will show them that life goes on even when they make mistakes or fail. Changing ones behavior is what makes them excel in the future.