Parenting and Family Education

Archive for the ‘parenting skills’ Category

Parenting has been going on since the beginning of humanity, but many parents still feel they must reinvent the wheel over and over again and count on some mysterious instincts they are supposed to have.  Parenting is at first a physical challenge, then slowly; it morphs into a mental challenge.  However it is highly desirable that parents do use child-centred, non-directive play, as a part of their parenting activities.  This requires special Parenting Skill. For many people, parenting their kids is one of the most fulfilling feelings in their life. Parenting skill is all about knowing your parenting personality. This is important as it helps you discover how your personality motivates the way you behave as a parent and how your child’s personality interacts with your own.  As times have changed â?? parenting has become more refined and several parenting skills and techniques are available to make the process simpler and less stressful. Below is one of the most effective and contemporary parenting skill; that can give you complete parenting satisfaction.

Neuro Linguistic Programming  or NLP was begun by Dr John Grinder and Richard Bandler in the mid 1970’s and Neuro-Linguistic Parenting (NL Parenting) is a parenting skill that takes the essence of NLP and applies it to parenting circumstances. First let us understand what is NPL? NLP is the study of how people know what they think they know and how they do what they do (as opposed to ‘why’ they do what they do).  NLP processes can be used to explore beliefs. NLP explores the relationships between the way we think (Neuro), the way we communicate (Linguistic) and our patterns of behaviour (Programming). Our minds, bodies, emotions, beliefs, knowledge and memories are all present and active simultaneously. NEURO is our “Nervous System” through which experience is received and processed via the five senses. LINGUISTIC is our language and nonverbal communication systems through which neural representations are coded, ordered, and given meaning.  PROGRAMMING is the pattern of manifestation of our neural codes and communication.

NL Parenting is the parenting skill with a main goal of dissemination of the necessary processes and information to assist parents in achieving personal congruence. It is all about generating options from which we can choose, so it is the finest system we have for learning how to relate to children in creative and congruent ways.  NLP in Parenting helps foster better communication between parent and child.Â

NL Parenting works quicker with children and adolescents simply because their nervous system is still in the process of integrating those inner messages so they can be helped to delete and replace them quicker. From an NL Parenting perspective the roles of a parent are; to manipulate contexts so that children can learn or play in relative safety and to model or demonstrate exceptional behaviour and congruence. NL Parenting is the parenting skill which provides parents with a framework that helps their children to get along with others and in the process make parenting an enjoyable experience.

We are often taken aback with the way our kids change their behaviour when moving from one stage of their life to another or even within their individual life stages. Our 11 year old child who was dependent on us for all decisions suddenly becomes independent by the time they cross 13. Our infant who was howling a few minutes ago is smiling and giggling away now. Children are experts at changing states. The first step to developing NL Parenting Skill is to understand the state of our child. It is like putting yourself in the shoes of your child and understanding how they think, their needs, what is driving their behaviour (good or bad) and what are their frustrations.

This parenting skill can be achieved by anchoring â?? which means associating their current state with their beliefs and surrounding. So if your 3 year old knows that by creating a tantrum they will get what they want, you need to understand that creating a tantrum to have their way is the belief that your child has developed. If you put yourself in their shoes, you will be able to point to various instances where they have got a better of you just because you gave into their tantrum. These instances were the key to development and reinforcement of their beliefs. It is very important to remember that even though you feel that creating a tantrum in this instance is bad behaviour â?? your child definitely sees it as giving them benefits. Hence there is an incongruence of your beliefs versus your childâ??s.

Knowing their belief and understanding the physical stimulus for the same is the second step to acquiring NL Parenting skill. However, anchoring is not the end of the process. By anchoring you will now be able to identify the beliefs and the physical stimulus that you want to change. So the goal of the first two steps is not to leave the state unchanged, but to find a way to change it that preserves some elements of its benefits. So if your child has created a tantrum to have a chocolate, you can try and negotiate with them to complete their dinner first and then allow them to have a chocolate â?? such that you get some benefits out of the situation.

The final step of NL Parenting skill is the process of achieving permanent transformation in your child. Here coaching skills play a very vital role. Coaching comes in when a situation arises that displays a gap between, what the environment is asking and what skills the child may lack. Coaching skills give parents the tools to build on their relationship with their child and to create opportunities for courageous conversations. Acquiring the right coaching skills is important as it helps parents to identify their governing values and standards, which establishes the basis of their parenting decisions. It helps to transform your awareness about your childâ??s behaviour, it energizes your childâ??s successes, that promote desired behaviour and it identifies & creates qualities that would not have otherwise existed. So in the above example, through coaching parents can create a complete different external stimulus for the child â?? like say need for healthy teeth â?? and steer them away from demanding chocolates and creating tantrum for them all the time.

Finally NL Parenting skill doesn’t prescribe any single parenting ideology, but identifies models of parenting excellence and skills and tactics that progress us to more gentle and respectful parenting. It helps you to recognise your parenting strengths, weaknesses and beliefs and allows you to become a true guide and mentor to your child.Â

We are all born with some parenting skill; qualities such as patience, ability to love, and humour, but other skills need to be learned. Parents do not know how to react to situations until they are faced with them and are on a constant learning curve.

The first thing to remember is to never be afraid to ask for advice. Whatever the situation you are trying to deal with, someone else has been through it before you. Your family and your friends are a great source of advice and information, as they may have developed a particular parenting skill that you haven’t needed to find yet.

Books and the internet are also a great source of information. A quick look at online booksellers or internet sites shows a massive amount of advice available. It is a good idea to double check parenting skill advice you find on the internet though as it obviously isn’t checked or regulated.

Thirdly, your doctor, health visitor, midwife and nurses are available to help you. If you are seriously worried about a health or behavioural problem with your child they are the best people to ask. There are lots of facilities available to help, such as child psychologists, educational psychologists, and in some cases of behavioural problems medications can even be prescribed to help control the symptoms. Do not be worried about wasting the health professionals’ time – you aren’t wasting their time at all, and they are happy to help. Parenting skill isn’t something you have to learn on your own.

Another way to get help with your parenting skill is to go to classes. Many classes and programs are available, either dealing with specific issues or general skills. Your local surgery or social services should be able to provide you with details of these. If you are having serious problems then social services will also be able to give you help. Asking social services doesn’t mean they are going to take your children from you so please don’t be afraid of asking them for help when you need it.

Whatever issues you have with parenting skill, whether you simply need reassurance, or whether you need serious help, you are not on your own. Millions have had similar problems before you and millions will have the same issues in the future. By using the resources you have available to you, you will give your children the benefit of the best information and parenting skill possible.

Parenting is difficult enough. And so is skill. And so is good. Putting them together is like doing Calculus while balancing yourself in the 50 meter- elevated pole. Good parenting skills.

Some parents feel that they fail as parents when they compare themselves to other parents. This is not the way parenting goes. Like you, other parents have different sets of circumstances. Points of comparison are small like having kids with the same age as you have.

On the other hand, parents feel that they are a failure when their kids grow up and become people they as parents like them to be. Some parents feel that when a child becomes a singer touring with the band instead of a doctor, they feel that they failed. No. Parenting is not a one blue print of what you as a parent want to do to your children.

Good parenting skills involve time. You do not just become the good parent in two weeks. Like other skills, parenting involves time. You learn as your children are growing up. And learning as parents simply do not stop even if your children have their own children.

Good parenting involves a lot of sacrifices. As a parent, you simply cannot go on one week vacations with your friends to stay on a nice beach resort. You can do that when you were single but as a parent, your children are your responsibility. You sacrifice some things that are important to you but you have to remember that your family is the most important.

Good parenting also is a big commitment to become worthy of emulation. Good parents are their children’s role model and hero. Little kids especially watch the way their parents talk, react and act. They simply do not perfectly know yet the difference between bad and good and right and wrong. Children depend on their parents for wisdom.

Children will discover the world more as they grow older. This is when the foundation of good morals and values will be tested. Your children will encounter difficulties and struggles along the way but when you raised them up good, you will not worry so much because they are grounded.

One good parenting skill is the skill of forgiveness and acceptance. Sometimes, because of extreme disappointment and frustration over their children, some parents simply give up. However, this is when your children will need you the most. The moments when nobody will ever care to accept them. As bad as they may seem, parents are still the number one source of forgiveness and acceptance. Of course it will take time because of the pain but love should never fade away.

Good parenting skills are not simply a to- do list or a checklist of what is right to do as a parent. Rather, good parenting skills are something that is learned through time and experiences and are based very much on what is in your heart. May love, grace, hope and faith rule in your heart as you begin to reflect them on your children. Happy parenting!