Parenting and Family Education

Archive for the ‘parenting styles’ Category

One of the most crucial aspects of sound parenting is how consistent you are when dealing with your children. They will get mixed signals if you tell them one thing but forget to reinforce what it is you have asked they do. They will also get mixed signals if you say one thing and do another.

You must lead by example. You cannot tell your children not to drink out the milk carton and then do the same thing yourself! Nor can you tell them to tidy up their clothes when your own bedroom floor is littered with clothes strewn everywhere.

Parenting is more than saying what the right thing is.  Parenting is actively demonstrating the right thing. Do your best to do the same things you would like to instil in your children. However you want your children to be you have to be this yourself.

Yes it is easier asking your kids to eat slowly. But if your children see you wolfing down your food they will not bother to eat slowly. You are the authority figure and it is confusing for your children to be told one thing and see you doing the opposite.

You will find you will not have to say much at all to your children, as they will just imitate you. This will happen unconsciously without you having to nag them. Have you ever met a parent who had bad language? Have you ever met their children? It is sad in this case as the children often have the same manner of talking as their parents.

If you are unhappy with how your children are behaving it is best to take a close look at your own behaviour. Are you guilty of doing the very thing you are condemning in your children? If so it’s best to be honest with them and admit you are trying your best to change your behaviour. Ask them for help.

Children are much smarter than we give them credit for. They can spot inconsistency a mile off. They are also able to pick up when you are at a weak point (when your guard is down) and take advantage of you.

In a nutshell sound parenting is based on “walking your talk”. This is much harder to put into practice than it sounds. But the bottom line is, you are responsible for your own children. And you can do so much to influence their behaviour by your own example.

It is believed that children develop into who they (ultimately) are based on the confidence their parents have as parents. In other words, if mom and dad are not comfortable being parents, or if they do not exude very much self-confidence in this role, their children are likely to pick up on these feelings. This can contribute to the overall sense of insecurity or lack of self-esteem that children may feel as they grow older.

Children’s personalities are shaped by their familial interactions. Though many parents do not realize it, the way that they act towards each other, and the way they value and respect each other, are vitally important components toward determining a child’s own sense of self-worth.

In order to foster a healthy environment for children that is conducive to their development into well-adjusted adults, it is important that parents create a sort of partnership in terms of their parenting goals. Regardless of whether children are interacting with one parent at a time or both parents at once, it is critical that children have a similar type of experience with each parent.

This does not necessarily mean that mom and dad have to have exactly the same parenting styles, but it does mean that the two different styles need to mesh together so that cohesive, unified parenting can occur. Another way to think about it is that when parents are at odds with one another regarding parenting styles and methods, children are far more likely to play one parent against the other; a situation that merely adds frustration on top of an already tense one.

The various roles that each parent plays, as well as the rules they impose on their children, should be relatively equal so that children do not receive mixed or confusing signals from either parent. If mom and dad do not happen to agree on a particular parenting point, they should take the time to sit down and discuss their differences, which will hopefully allow them to reach a mutual point of compromise that will enable them to co-parent in an equal fashion.

Even divorced parents can act together to ensure that they are parenting their children in a way that is cohesive and promotes family unity. This, of course, is generally not quite as easy as it sounds for people who are divorced, but it is not an impossible task. If mom and dad find that they are having particular difficulty in trying to agree on parenting roles and styles, it would be in their children’s best interests for them to seek the assistance of a family counselor.

Family counseling can provide frustrated parents with some inventive ways to be able to work together, even if they do not live together anymore and do not still have any type of relationship with one another. The most important thing to remember when working on complementary parenting styles is that open, positive communication is the key to ensuring that the children do not suffer as a result of a failed marriage.

Family counseling is also quite helpful for parents who are still married and functioning relatively well as a family unit. Even if mom and dad only have minor disagreements about parenting, it is best to go ahead and talk them out before they escalate into major conflicts.

Nobody ever said single parenting is easy. As parents, we all learn with time. However, too often, the pressure of single parenting can be so overwhelming that it’s easy to make mistakes.

Are you one of these single parents? Learn how you can avoid being one:

The Emotional Patient

Most single parents try to be a good friend to their children, which is a good thing. However, a problem arises when single dads or moms see their children as a source of emotional support. Children of single parents need stability and security. A divorce or the death of a parent can be a particularly traumatic experience for them.

No matter how mature or old your children are, avoid making them your confidante on issues such as how much money you have or what a lousy day you had. Don’t rob them of their time to be children. It is unfair to burden them with issues that are difficult for them to handle. If you need to speak to someone, speak to your friends or a counselor.

The Guilt Tripper

As a single parent, it is easy to feel guilty about many things. Not being around when your children need you, not being able to help them with their homework, and so on. The danger with feeling guilty all the time is that some single parents tend to develop a lower self esteem that they may pass on to the children. Don’t be hard on yourself. Learn to take the ups and downs in your stride. And, by all means, don’t try to bolster your self-image by fishing for compliments about what kind of parent you are.

The Permissive Parent

Children need as much love and attention as you can give them. However, some single parents make the mistake of being too permissive and never correct their children when it’s necessary.

Research has shown that the children brought up in overly permissive parenting styles may develop behavioral problems because they do not easily accept responsibility.

Be firm and know where to draw the line. Shower your children with affection but set clear rules and limits. This, of course, does not mean being harsh or too authoritarian. Perfect the art of saying “I love you but a NO means a NO.”

The Martyr

Single parenting can be such an overwhelming experience that many parents simply forget to take care of themselves. With all the effort and sacrifice required to handle regular tasks such as meals and activities, it’s no surprise that many single parents get burned out. Don’t be a martyr. Your children require your time and energy and the only way to sustain it is by allotting some time for yourself.

Pamper yourself from time to time, be it writing in your journal, listening to music, or working out in the gym. Arrange for a babysitter or a trusted friend to look after your children when you are away. Look at it not just as time goofing off, but very important re-charging time so you can get back to the difficult job of being a great dad.