Parenting and Family Education

Archive for the ‘single parenting tips’ Category

Becoming a single parent isn’t an end. It’s a beginning. Your new lifestyle is full of responsibility and challenges. It may be more important now than ever that you find time for yourself. You need to relax and have fun. It may have been a while, but you can date now.

You may not be ready to enter into a new relationship, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go out and have a good time with friends. Dating old friends is a great way to re-enter the single world and renew old friendships. They already know you, and they’re easy to talk to. You need someone now to talk to and to ask for advice. Old friends may also be a source for help around the house or at work.

But if you’re interested in meeting new people and getting into a more serious relationship, you may want to do some real-life dating. But dating as a new single parent can present unique challenges. Demands on your time may already be great.

Taking care of the kids, earning a living, and maintaining your household are time-consuming chores. That makes it even more important to make time for your own fun and relaxation. But time management skills will definitely be needed to keep your life from being chaotic and stressful.

You may be emotionally raw at this time. Whether you’ve lost your partner through separation, divorce, or death, you’re going through some really big life changes. You need to be careful not to jump into the first relationship that comes along. You need to have fun, but you also need some time to heal and become independent again.

Here are some things to consider:

Am I ready to date yet?

Re-entering the single scene can be frightening. You may not feel self-confident about your looks, or you may feel that you’ve lost some important social skills. But fear of dating shouldn’t be a deciding factor. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to take that big step to have a normal life again.

There are some things to think about, though. You’re coming through a difficult time, and you may be emotionally vulnerable and confused. You may not have the judgment to see your dates’ flaws. You must take care to protect yourself and your children from predators and people that will use you.

Are you prepared to tell your children you’re dating? Your kids are also going through a big change, and they may be insecure or jealous if a new adult is introduced to the family. Have you prepared them for this? Do they understand your feelings and support you? If your children aren’t ready for you to date, you may not be. But there’s a limit. The important thing is to be honest and open with them about what you need and want. After all, they aren’t dating the person. You are. Just keep the lines of communication open and clear.

Getting into relationships too soon is a common mistake for newly-single parents. You’re accustomed to being part of a couple and feel awkward and self-conscious going out alone. You may not be finished with the old relationship. Losing a partner, no matter how, involves going through a grieving process to heal emotionally and re-establish a normal life. Studies show that it takes at least a year for people to process their loss and move on. Be sure you’ve given yourself enough time to heal.

You may also need to tie up loose ends from the previous relationship. There may be financial and legal matters still open that must be closed. If your partner passed away, you’ll need to settle the estate, dispose of property, and finalize insurance issues. Better to focus on the business at hand while you’re grieving than to introduce a new complication into an already-complicated life.

You also need to take time to help your children grieve the loss. They may be feeling abandoned, and they’ll need your love, support, and encouragement to move forward. And they need to build a new relationship with you, one where you’re the only parent. Dating too soon can cheat them of this important time with you and create behavioral problems that are not easy to solve. Take it slow for their sake and for yours.

How do single parents find people to date?

It’s probably been a long time since you were in the dating scene, and you may have lost touch with your single friends and activities. One way to meet new people is through your friends. Perhaps your best friend knows someone they think would be perfect for you. Take a chance. Go on a blind date.

You also have a constraint that many singles don’t: time. It’s important for you to plan your social activities well in advance so you can get a baby-sitter or make other arrangements for your children. So, whatever you do to meet new people can’t be a spur-of-the-moment decision.

Many areas have singles groups where you can meet other unattached people. As long as you don’t have to make commitments, this is a great way to meet people. Group social activities are fun and safe. You get a chance to get to know people before being alone with them.

You may even be able to find social groups specifically for single parents. This way, you’ll meet people whose lives are more like yours. They have the same challenges and problems. You may find it easier to relate to another single parent, and certainly they will be more understanding when something comes up at the last minute.

What about relationships?

You are the only person who knows if you’re ready to start a serious relationship. Of course, you are not alone, and your children will influence your readiness and willingness to get into a relationship.

You need to be very clear in your own mind about where you are and what you want. Perhaps you only want companionship and social contact. If you’re not ready to get serious, let your dates know. Don’t allow yourself to become more involved than you can handle emotionally. Your first few dates shouldn’t be serious, and you don’t need to involve your children with your casual dates.

But if you’re lonely and feel you need someone to love, you may be more interested in getting serious. First, you must ask yourself why. Getting into a serious relationship because you’re lonely isn’t a great idea. You want to get involved with a person, not just fill a hole in your life. Be sure of your motives before you allow things to get to serious.

What to do when on a date?

You’ll want to know that your dates will be both fun and safe. Your family depends on you, and taking chances to date isn’t wise. Always be sure someone knows where you’re going and who you’re going with. Let them know when you’ll be home, and take your cell phone with you in case of an emergency. Let your date know about your family and that you might get a call. No surprises is a good policy.

When you go out, you’ll want to do something that helps you get to know each other. Look for places where you can talk and activities that encourage conversation and interaction. Movies aren’t a good idea for those first few dates because they don’t provide a good get-to-know-you environment. Better to go bowling or play miniature golf than to go to a movie.

For first dates especially, it’s important that you go to public places. Your personal safety is very important, and you don’t want to take chances with people you don’t know. You might even want to arrange to meet your date somewhere so that you aren’t dependent on them for your ride home.

Before you know it, the “Holiday Season” is here and during this all important season, you can become “Parent of the Year.”   As a single parent how are you preparing for this important season. Some of you look back with an almost child like happiness enjoying the season as much if not more than your kids. A season where the kids get to have both parents for the day.

Having both Parents for the day is the perfect day for the kids.  Yes, this might work in the early stages of your divorce, but will it still be the same way a few years later?

What happens when you and your Ex are both in a serious relationship.  Do you tell the man/woman of your dreams that you can’t make Thanksgiving because you have to spend it with the kids and the Ex.  After all, isn’t everything you do for the kids? This might cause your new and serious relationship to take a turn in the wrong direction.

On the other hand, if every holiday is considered “Family Day” and all of a sudden there’s a change in the game, you will break the hearts of your children.  Not too mention it could cause immense psychological problems changing things.

How do you handle the Holidays now that the divorce is final and become “Parent of the Year?”

As a single parent, you can save a lot of heart ache and disappointment if you think of the holiday as “A Day” instead of “The Day.”

For instance, if your Ex has the children for Thanksgiving, take another day with your children and make a Turkey dinner together, and the fun part, it takes all day. And, it can be any day, like the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  Let the kids make the mashed potatoes and you will really appreciate just how great they taste even if they are lumpy.  What you are doing is making a day a family day. For me — it’s my single Parent family.

The next big holiday, of course, is Christmas. Do you want to be “Parent of the Year?”

Here is an amazing tip to be “Parent of the Year.” Just let the Ex have the children on Christmas.  Then, listen to what they got and ask them what they really wanted to get but didn’t get. Go out on December 26th when those fabulous sales start and everything is reduced 50% and get the gifts they really wanted but didn’t get.  If you’re on good terms with the Ex, do it together and save on those discounted gifts.

Now, when you think about dating, it creates a picture of just two people in your mind. Next, add some children in that picture. What did you get? No. It’s not a family. This picture might point to a very new concept in the world of parenthood known as ‘Single Parents’. All this time, you had been thinking of a perfect rendezvous with your beloved but knowing that you are dating or going to approach a single parent might make you shaky at the knees. In such circumstances, it is simple to follow some tips and advices. Discover the magic moves:
Some Tips and Advices:
•    If you are a woman dating a single father then keep these things in mind. He is a man; a working professional plus a mother at home too, so do not be impeccable about the cleanliness of the house. Commenting about it, might appear harsh.
•    Respect the decision of the person to be a single parent. Avoid asking the cause for it. At the same time do not say something which might make him/her feel that you are finding their fault.
•    As single parents they are very fond of their children as well as protective of them. Do not show your averseness in accepting their children in your life. Also do not comment anything on their upbringing of the children.
•    While striking up a conversation, ask her about how her children. Show genuine interest so that she can feel your concern.
•    Being a single parent leads him/her to face tough situations too. He/she might be emotionally shaken. Be his/her strength. Show your care and love to heal his/her wounds. Do not try to be sympathetic and never overdo it.
•    Remember that he/she needs a companion who can give him/her support. Don’t be bossy. Spend time with him/her, share his/her pain and joy. Listen to him/her and be communicative.
•    Since he/she is a single parent, keep in mind that they are confident individuals. Do not try to be over possessive. Respect his/her freedom.
•    Spend time with her children as this can lead to a strong bonding between you two also.
•    Don’t lose your patience. A relationship with a single parent can be demanding so be generous with your time.
•    Never speak ill about his/her ex partner before his/her children or him/her. He/she expects you to be different from the person who is already gone. Saying something behind their back will only bring out your negative side. To be his/her future, the past needs to be ignored.

If you are dating a single parent, picture yourself in the family before you start dating. After all you are certainly the new inclusion if you are determined to take it till marriage. Be confident and make things comfortable. Mix up well with the children and get to know them well. Just remember, with love and care you can win a million hearts with no extra effort.