Parenting and Family Education

Successful children are the products of coordinated efforts of parents who knew about the correlation of good parenting style with successful evolution of children from infanthood to responsible adulthood. The following are some of the time honoured principles for raising children:

Children need love much the same way they need oxygen to survive. Your love for your child is expressed in providing appropriate food, clothing, shelter, emotional warmth and protection from every sort of harm. In the absence of love, children wilt, are unable to show love as they grow and turn out to be affectionless children with a poor sense of self-worth. The goal of Christian parenting is to bring up children in the fear and knowledge of God. Parents are in the best position to introduce their children to God because children can only relate to God, the way they relate to their parents. When children are taught and made to be obedient to God, they find it easy to understand and relate to God. God has no grand children; every child must come personally to the knowledge of God as a father, parents should facilitate this encounter. Every child is limited in life by the principles upon which he/she was raised in life. Children need instructions appropriate for their developmental stage. They should be introduced to the rules of behaviour early in life and taught what is acceptable and what is not acceptable. Rules create boundaries for children and put in them the notion that actions have consequences. Every action of parents has repercussions; they are either building up the child or pulling the child down. Parents must walk the way they want their children to follow. Values are more readily caught by children than taught. When you explain to your children why you are taking a particular action, it makes more sense and it is less abstract than just teaching a child without any illustration. Every child is a complex being that unravels with time; take time to know your child. Every child has an internal world comprising emotion, intelligence and spirit. Knowledge of the special needs of each child enables you to raise the child in a way that will bring out the best in each child. Each child has negative and positive tendencies, encourage the positive tendencies while discouraging the negative tendencies. You cannot beat out of your child, what is wrong in your life. Some parents see their faults or character defects in their children and attempt to prevent history from repeating itself by disciplining their child excessively. Excess discipline or wrong disciplinary measures that break the spirit of the child is counter productive and tantamount to physical abuse. The discipline a child gets when he/she errs should be timely, appropriate for the age, and corrective in nature. Discipline should as much as possible be a learning experience for the child. What you put in a child by way of parenting is what the child gives to society. Your child will ultimately reveal to the world what you put in him/her by way of training in the secrecy of your home. Children reflect the training they got from home the way light is reflected by a mirror. Take time to build in your children timeless values that will make your children shine in life.

8. Children live up to their parents’ expectation. Children form their opinion of themselves from what their parents say to them. If you believe in them, they work hard to live up to what you believe about them. A 3-year study of 20,000 California and Wisconsin High School Students published in Beyond the Classroom by Dr Laurence Steinberg found a strong correlation between parents’ expectation and general level of student achievement with a few exceptions. African-American and Latino parents are satisfied with any grades above D and their wards get mostly Cs. White parents are satisfied with grades above C and their children get mostly Bs. Asian parents accept A and their children bring mostly As.”

9. Children reward dutiful parents when they are old. At the time children realize the value of what their parents put in them by way of training, they would have already started raising their family and with the benefit of hindsight, would want to show appreciation to their parents by caring for them in their old age.

10. To invest time, money and energy in training your child is to train many generations. This is because children will teach their own children what they were taught. A child gives only what he/she has to his/her children.

Imaginative play is an important part of childhood. Not only is it fun for children but it is also an essential part of learning and developing. Children learn about themselves, about their world, and lay the groundwork for their future through imaginative play. Yet too many children are not encouraged to use their imagination through play. There are three essential ways you can encourage imaginative play in your child — by providing the place, the time, and the supplies.

Does your child have a place for imaginative play? Is there somewhere, even the corner of a room, where they can build a block city or shape play dough monsters? Can they assemble all their stuffed animals into a school or all their cars into a parade? While children should be encouraged to pick up after themselves sometimes it takes a while to build the city of their dreams and they want time to play with it again. Try to strike a balance between your need for order and their need for imaginative play. Give them a day or so to create a complex setting for their imaginative play before forcing them to put away their toys.

Does your child have the time for imaginative play? It is amazing how many young children have a very full schedule. While many of these activities are likely required, such as school or day care, and many are also desirable, such as sports or clubs, it is also important that children be given the opportunity for free, unstructured play that allows the opportunity for imaginative play. It is not desirable that every moment of every day be structured and planned. Children who are not given the opportunity to exercise their imagination run the risk of losing the ability to use it at all.

Does your child have the supplies for imaginative play? As we know from our own childhood that imaginative play does not require extensive and elaborate supplies, but children do need access to objects they can use. A complex wardrobe is not necessary but a few items can be helpful. A bath towel might be a king’s robe or a super hero’s cape or swaddling for a baby. A cardboard tube from wrapping paper might be a sword, the container for a secret map, or a spyglass. A cardboard box might be everything from a treasure chest to a race car. Provide a few basic supplies and try not to be too suggestive in their use. Children will do better if allowed to give their imagination free rein without your interference and control.

Imaginative play can be a wonderful opportunity for your child to not only enjoy their childhood but also to learn and grow as people by trying on different roles such as parents, cooks, police officers, and firefighters but also to experience safe adventures as pirates, explorers and paleontologists. Imaginative play should be encouraged in children by allowing them the place, the time, and the supplies for imaginative play.

The art of parenting has evolved over the years to the point where there are now no set styles which new parents need to adopt. However, this doesn’t stop the continued debate about which parenting style is ‘right’ for children. Is it necessary to be a firm disciplinarian in order to teach your children respect? Or is a more cooperative style that allows children to develop their own inner discipline the better way to go? Or perhaps a more permissive style is better to allow children to be free spirits before the harsh realities of life descend as they hit adulthood? This debate raises other questions like whether a parent should be a friend or a distant disciplinarian? Is there such a thing as middle ground as a friendly disciplinarian?

If you are grappling with working out the best parenting style then its time to take a deep breathe and relax. There is no ideal parenting style, there is only the parenting style that works for you and your family. That’s because you can’t decide when you are pregnant which parenting style you will adopt and then rigidly stick to it throughout your child’s life. Well, you can try doing that. But your child will test you in ways that you can’t even imagine and so a hard and fast rule maybe quickly discarded because its inadequate from the circumstances you find yourself in.

The main principle of any parenting style should be about making sure that your child know from the first day of life that they have your unconditional love. Beyond that the other building blocks for your life together will gradually take shape as your child grows up and as you grow with them. You will, however, have to work at finding a consistent parenting style that sets limits for your offspring while still responding with flexibility.

In the first days, months and even years of your child’s life you will be discovering both your and your child’s strengths and weaknesses. You will also learn what you can tolerate and what you can’t (and the things that you can’t accept may not be what you thought they would be). Many parents expect themselves to be able to satisfy all their child’s needs. However, this isn’t realistic and no parent can be everything to a child nor should a parent be a child’s total world. Children mature by gradually expanding beyond the boundaries their parents place around them for their protection. It is the parent’s responsibility to set these boundaries and then be wise enough to move them as the child grows up.

Beside love, limits and flexibility another hallmark of an effective parenting style is communication. No parent child relationship will exist without stress, strain and at times arguments and pain. If a parent endeavors to establish strong open lines of communication from the very first days of the parent child dynamic then their relationship will survive the difficult days which accompany any child’s growth into adulthood.

That communication may not always be sitting down and discussing life as this is often too intense for a child. Some parents find a common interest can provide a safe haven for getting along when times get rough. Other times it may just be making time for each other one on one. Something as simple as sharing a meal in a favorite restaurant or making time to read together can create that all important conduit for communication.

Whatever style of parenting you adopt, you would be wise to remember the one basic rule: Treat your child with the same love and respect with that you would like for yourself. Often the best way to teach is by modelling the behavior yourself.