Parenting and Family Education

Posts Tagged ‘Avoid’

Nobody ever said single parenting is easy. As parents, we all learn with time. However, too often, the pressure of single parenting can be so overwhelming that it’s easy to make mistakes.

Are you one of these single parents? Learn how you can avoid being one:

The Emotional Patient

Most single parents try to be a good friend to their children, which is a good thing. However, a problem arises when single dads or moms see their children as a source of emotional support. Children of single parents need stability and security. A divorce or the death of a parent can be a particularly traumatic experience for them.

No matter how mature or old your children are, avoid making them your confidante on issues such as how much money you have or what a lousy day you had. Don’t rob them of their time to be children. It is unfair to burden them with issues that are difficult for them to handle. If you need to speak to someone, speak to your friends or a counselor.

The Guilt Tripper

As a single parent, it is easy to feel guilty about many things. Not being around when your children need you, not being able to help them with their homework, and so on. The danger with feeling guilty all the time is that some single parents tend to develop a lower self esteem that they may pass on to the children. Don’t be hard on yourself. Learn to take the ups and downs in your stride. And, by all means, don’t try to bolster your self-image by fishing for compliments about what kind of parent you are.

The Permissive Parent

Children need as much love and attention as you can give them. However, some single parents make the mistake of being too permissive and never correct their children when it’s necessary.

Research has shown that the children brought up in overly permissive parenting styles may develop behavioral problems because they do not easily accept responsibility.

Be firm and know where to draw the line. Shower your children with affection but set clear rules and limits. This, of course, does not mean being harsh or too authoritarian. Perfect the art of saying “I love you but a NO means a NO.”

The Martyr

Single parenting can be such an overwhelming experience that many parents simply forget to take care of themselves. With all the effort and sacrifice required to handle regular tasks such as meals and activities, it’s no surprise that many single parents get burned out. Don’t be a martyr. Your children require your time and energy and the only way to sustain it is by allotting some time for yourself.

Pamper yourself from time to time, be it writing in your journal, listening to music, or working out in the gym. Arrange for a babysitter or a trusted friend to look after your children when you are away. Look at it not just as time goofing off, but very important re-charging time so you can get back to the difficult job of being a great dad.

If you have difficulty dealing with your children, you are not alone. Many parents seem to be quite at loss when it comes to enforcing good behavior in their children. Research has shown that some parenting styles definitely do not work. Read on to learn how you can avoid the most common parenting mistakes:

#1: Don’t punish harshly. Professor of Sociology, University of New Hampshire, Murray Straus, estimates that 90 percent of parents do not think it wrong to beat children. However, researchers studying child behavior insist that punishing children too harshly is a big parenting mistake. Discipline, they say, is effective only when it is mild. For instance, “time out” should not be for more than a few minutes, and privilege withdrawal should not be extended for more than a day.

#2: Don’t nag. If you think that constant nagging will get your kids to do as you want them to, think again. Research has proven that people tend to ignore repetitive commands. Not only that, nagging also negatively reinforces wrong behavior.

#3: Don’t compromise. If you make rules, be ready to enforce them. Nobody expects that you set military standards for discipline for your children, but let them know that a “no” means “no.” When your kids learn that you will not give in to their tantrums, they will simply stop throwing them.

#4: Don’t overprotect. While it is your duty to protect your children, it is also important to let them learn from their mistakes. As psychologist and Raising Resilient Children co-author, Robert Brooks explains, “Resilient children realize that sometimes they will fail, make mistakes, have setbacks. They will attempt to learn from them.”

#5: Don’t over-praise. An important aspect of parenting is to praise children for exemplary behavior. However, if you habitually applaud every thing they do, you may end up undermining the effectiveness of praise as a form of positive reinforcement. This is because your children may not understand why you are praising them, or may even overestimate their own worth.

#6: Don’t stress grades. Academics are important for your children, but a common parenting mistake is to stress grades over creativity. Psychiatrist and author of Great Kids, Stanley Greenspan points out that while parents make children learn rules and facts, it is more difficult to get them to think creatively. Creativity, however, is essential to help children to discard ideas that don’t work and look for alternative solutions.

#7: Don’t disregard feelings. Myrna Shure, author of Raising a Thinking Child, says that children need to be able to examine their feelings about things. One of the most common mistakes parents make is disregard their children’s feelings-by telling them not to cry, for instance. A better approach is to show empathy by letting children know that you understand how they feel. Your parenting styles are likely to impact the way your child grows up. Being responsive to your children, and at the same time, setting clear rules and limits, is crucial for you as a parent.