Parenting and Family Education

Posts Tagged ‘Children’

Parenting is the most difficult, the most challenging, and the most important job we will ever have. So many of our children’s future successes and problems can stem from our success as parents. Yet fortunately we do not have to go it alone. We can learn from the successful parents around us, if we are fortunate including our own parents, and also learn from those less successful as well. In addition, we can learn many important lessons about parenting from our own children. If we only listen and pay attention they tell us so much about what they want and need from us as parents. While we can so often get caught up in the little details and daily grind of parenting, if we keep sight of three main goals then the rest will take care of itself. All our children really need from us are these three all-important gifts: our love, our care, and our time.

Love is the easiest and yet the most overlooked of the gifts we must give our children. We love our children. It is such an overwhelming emotion for us that we often forget that our children may not realize its depth and breadth. It is true for many of us that we did not realize how much our parents love us until we too became parents. Demonstrate through your actions and choices that you love your children. Show them and tell them how much you care. Do this with little gestures and big ones and do it every day. One certainty our children should possess as they grow and develop is that they are loved as this gives them a foundation and confidence that nothing else can.

Care is something we do all the time, so much so that it is often on autopilot. Folding clothes, picking up toys, packing lunches, and washing dishes. One of the ways to cope with these tasks is to put them in perspective. These boring, repetitive tasks are one of the ways we care for our children and by doing them we are showing our care. But do not neglect the emotional and cognitive care along with the physical care. It is easy while making sure our children are fed, clothed, and washed to overlook the emotional care and cognitive care children also need. Teach your child how to handle emotions like fear and jealousy by talking things through and modeling good emotional behavior. Make sure your child is challenged intellectually through conversation, games and books.

Time is the most precious of all gifts and yet so many parents short their children of their time. Time is spent at work and at various life activities from home maintenance to recreation, but simply giving your child the gift of your time and attention every day can reap tremendous rewards. Giving your child your time and attention is the surest way to demonstrate to your child that he or she is loved. You can multi-task while spending time with your child if the task is something that the child can be involved in or adjacent to — and the task is something mindless so you can focus on the child. For example, children can help with household chores or can talk or read to you while you fold laundry or wash dishes. Simply making a point of spending time with your child every day where your primary focus is on the child can reap tremendous rewards today and tomorrow.

There are no perfect parents, so striving for perfection is setting yourself up for failure. All you can do is try your best and give your child the gifts of love, care, and time. If you do then you will be a good parent. It really is that simple.

Teaching your child the importance of saying hello will help them learn to get to know and acknowledge people.  But in our society today, people aren’t saying, “hello” anymore.

Today, more than ever, everywhere you look or read there is something about the “danger with strangers.”  It’s taught to your child in school, it’s preached in churches, and parenting classes.  But, are we instilling fear into our children rather than promoting confidence.  And, at the same time are we instilling fear into ourselves as parents and turning into a society of becoming fearful of knowing each other?

What’s the end-result?  The neighborhood block parties are disappearing and our children play with video games instead of playing with their friends a few blocks away.  Have you ever noticed if you go out and just say, “Hello” to people you get some very strange looks?  Some people actually turn their heads. How many best friends does your child have today?  Do you remember how many classmates you knew growing up?

How can we take this fear, turn the fear into confidence, and at the same time teach our children the importance of getting to know and acknowledge people?

Over the years my children and I developed and played a game and it’s called “Who Knows The Most People.”  We played the game every time we went out … to the grocery store … the zoo … the park … walking, just about any place we went, we played the game.

Here’s how the game works.  The challenge: “Who Will Know The First Person You See.” Start by pointing out to your children the why/how you know someone.  Whether at the grocery store, restaurant or other place, someone is always there assisting or serving you. You say, “Hello” and explain who this person is and how you know them.  It could be a parent of one of their friends.  Your children will catch on and they will want to be saying, “hello” first.  You’ll find that your children don’t like losing the game if you are the first to say, “hello,”  most of the time.

By setting an example and teaching the value of saying, “hello” will help your children throughout their lives. It’s up to you, the parent. Getting your child to know the people who they meet every day, and treating them as if they truly matter in the big scheme of things. Saying hello builds the foundation for your child to learn how to welcome people, old and new.

You can start with just a few things and then build upon them: Challenge your children to know the names of all the kids in their class and what grade they’re in. Take the time to wave to your neighbors as you ride your bike, walk the neighborhood, or drive off to the grocery store.  Set the example and teach the value of “Hello.”

Whether single or not, all parents leave long lasting impressions on their child’s life. This is particularly true for single parents. Death, divorce or whatever is the cause of this singularity, it likely leaves deep impressions on the emerging personality of the child. What actually matters is the way the single parent responds to the task of single parenthood. In whichever manner the single parent has dealt with the parenting challenge, there are deep effects on the child’s character and individuality as compared to the children of parents living together.

Being a child to a single parent is a complex situation. Children look up and follow their parents. If the parents are confident and stable, their children feel secure and confident. The sense of belonging to a single parent who is either living as an unmarried heterosexual couple or a homosexual couple or without a partner at all has a disturbing effect on the child’s personality. Although the laws and norms of societies have changed, unlawful children are made fun of. They are called bastards, illegal and at some places natural born children. As it is a social taboo, it always haunts the child that his mother was never married to his father or at times the fathers refuse to recognize these children as theirs. They are singled out by others at school and playgrounds and made fun of. All these effect the child’s personality and self confidence. As a result of which they become reluctant to attend school and socialize. These are part of difficulties that children of lone parents have to go through.

Bringing up children as a single father is a tough task. Being a father you have to go to work as well as look after your young ones which is very taxing. You can really fatigue. As a single father neither you nor your child has the liberty to share your thoughts with the mother. The children particularly feel comfortable to converse with their mother for many of their problems. A number of public schools also don’t consider single parents worthy for the task which adds to their worries.

Some of the societies don’t accept single parents who exercise this option by choice. In many areas it is considered illegal and morally corrupt. Others consider it a religious taboo particularly the Bible belt. As the society looks down upon them and socially isolates them they feel left out. This makes their life nerve-racking. It is not always easy to migrate from one place to other due to job and financial reasons.

From the above it appears that there is nothing positive in single parenting, how ever on the contrary there is some ray of hope also. Recently some work done at Cornell University about the implications of single parenthood, particularly single mothers on the academic and behavioral progress of children in early teens revealed no harmful effects. This is very encouraging for single mothers. At last it is now obvious that if they are considerate and looking after thier young ones with love and affection, the single status would not be a hurdle in bringing up confident, well mannered and contented children.