Parenting and Family Education

Posts Tagged ‘Single’

If you are recently divorced, you may have a difficult time adjusting to single life Many singles who are recently single, simply don’t know how to act. In Parent Education classes for newly single-again people, we teach a segment on how they can protect themselves by not making stupid mistakes in the first year of reentering single hood. Why do we teach this? It’s during this time that recent single-again women and men are more apt to make poor decisions that could set back their healing process.

The following tips for the recently single-again Christians may help during this difficult time.

Single Again Tip #1: Guard Your Heart

Recently single-again women and men have a void in their lives that cries out for filling. They are also not thinking clearly. Additionally, they are especially open to making bad dating decisions, falling prey to sexual impurity and/or emotional “predators” The Bible warns us, “Above all else, guard you heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” (Proverbs 4:23)

The very last thing a recently single-again person needs during this time is to be taken advantage of sexually and/or have her or his heart broken all over again. That’s why most Christian and secular counselors recommend a time of up to one year after becoming single again that people not date. A single Christian parent dating with kids should be especially careful, since it’s not only their lives they are effecting, but the little ones’ as well.

Single Again Tip #2: Guard Your Wallet

Most recently single-again women (and to a lesser extent, men) have great anxiety and fear about how they will make ends meet. For Christian single parents, both custodial and non-custodial, financial stress over child support can also loom large.

Let’s face it, when under financial stress, it’s easy for anybody to panic, and seek out quick fixes that can to can turn out badly. A clear mind with sound financial planning and budgeting can help at this time.

In this regard online help is available at Crown Financial Ministries. This international Christian organization offers free help on budgeting, with savings tips and internet radio broadcasts that recently single-again Christians would find helpful.

Single Again Tip #3: Guard Your Spirit

Becoming single again is a stressful thing because of the uncertainty and added responsibilities. Singles of all sorts would definitely benefit by reading some tips on how to reduce stress in their lives.

Also, since the recently single-again person can very easily feel isolated, plugging into a Christian singles support group where support , understanding and encouragement are offered would be benefical toward the renewing of your spirit.

Raising children as a single mother is a challenge. There are moments when you find that your life is in complete disarray and your house is in complete chaos. This is the time when you feel that you lack essential parenting tips as a single mother. It is better to have such arsenal at your disposal before you land in such a situation.

There are numerous ways to deal with various age groups. Confronting strategies for toddlers differ with those for teenagers. Your 16 year old boy is likely to make fun of you if he is told to spend some time in a thinking chair as he is being obstinate, stubborn and aggressive. On the other hand a few minutes time out will do wonders while tackling a 4 year old. So to be successful as a single mother you should have a set of parenting tips for each group.

Material regarding good parenting skills is widely available. A number of genuine and self proclaimed specialists are also around. A list of websites, books and other means in this aspect would probably require paragraphs. To make your life easy I would mention a few here. You can start with a library or a book shop. Single moms bringing up toddlers and smaller children will really benefit from the Parents Magazine. Unfortunately the major content in Parents Magazine is aimed at married parents. Among the various books available, you should go through at least a couple of them. Those who like Dr. Fan will recommend you his books. Dr. Terry Brazelton is an authority on child behavior. He is a father as well as a pediatrician. Even though a number of his books may be out of date, the attitude of babies and other children has remained the same since long. Last of all “The Well Trained Mind” is a good choice for those who want to train their children early.

A number of websites and organizations are available to assist single mothers with parenting tips. A renowned group is Parents without partners. They provide a wide range of information for single mothers. In the UK similar information is available on gingerbread. Early Start and Head Start Programs deliver the same services in the USA. You may not be eligible for their preschool assistance, but you can participate in courses and seminars which they conduct on positive parenting. Last of all you can look for topics like single parenting and single mothers through any search engine on the internet and get the required information. So if you are a single mother in search of parenting tips now you know where and how to get the required information.

If you require some parenting tips just now I can give you a few basics. As an adult you should be in control. Keep yourself composed all the time. This may not be easy, particularly when you find green finger paint all over your kitchen. The moment you become angry and irritable, you lose your composure. Such a situation may make your little child scared. To be successful always be composed and exercise control over your voice and actions.

Becoming a single parent isn’t an end. It’s a beginning. Your new lifestyle is full of responsibility and challenges. It may be more important now than ever that you find time for yourself. You need to relax and have fun. It may have been a while, but you can date now.

You may not be ready to enter into a new relationship, but that doesn’t mean you can’t go out and have a good time with friends. Dating old friends is a great way to re-enter the single world and renew old friendships. They already know you, and they’re easy to talk to. You need someone now to talk to and to ask for advice. Old friends may also be a source for help around the house or at work.

But if you’re interested in meeting new people and getting into a more serious relationship, you may want to do some real-life dating. But dating as a new single parent can present unique challenges. Demands on your time may already be great.

Taking care of the kids, earning a living, and maintaining your household are time-consuming chores. That makes it even more important to make time for your own fun and relaxation. But time management skills will definitely be needed to keep your life from being chaotic and stressful.

You may be emotionally raw at this time. Whether you’ve lost your partner through separation, divorce, or death, you’re going through some really big life changes. You need to be careful not to jump into the first relationship that comes along. You need to have fun, but you also need some time to heal and become independent again.

Here are some things to consider:

Am I ready to date yet?

Re-entering the single scene can be frightening. You may not feel self-confident about your looks, or you may feel that you’ve lost some important social skills. But fear of dating shouldn’t be a deciding factor. Sooner or later, you’re going to have to take that big step to have a normal life again.

There are some things to think about, though. You’re coming through a difficult time, and you may be emotionally vulnerable and confused. You may not have the judgment to see your dates’ flaws. You must take care to protect yourself and your children from predators and people that will use you.

Are you prepared to tell your children you’re dating? Your kids are also going through a big change, and they may be insecure or jealous if a new adult is introduced to the family. Have you prepared them for this? Do they understand your feelings and support you? If your children aren’t ready for you to date, you may not be. But there’s a limit. The important thing is to be honest and open with them about what you need and want. After all, they aren’t dating the person. You are. Just keep the lines of communication open and clear.

Getting into relationships too soon is a common mistake for newly-single parents. You’re accustomed to being part of a couple and feel awkward and self-conscious going out alone. You may not be finished with the old relationship. Losing a partner, no matter how, involves going through a grieving process to heal emotionally and re-establish a normal life. Studies show that it takes at least a year for people to process their loss and move on. Be sure you’ve given yourself enough time to heal.

You may also need to tie up loose ends from the previous relationship. There may be financial and legal matters still open that must be closed. If your partner passed away, you’ll need to settle the estate, dispose of property, and finalize insurance issues. Better to focus on the business at hand while you’re grieving than to introduce a new complication into an already-complicated life.

You also need to take time to help your children grieve the loss. They may be feeling abandoned, and they’ll need your love, support, and encouragement to move forward. And they need to build a new relationship with you, one where you’re the only parent. Dating too soon can cheat them of this important time with you and create behavioral problems that are not easy to solve. Take it slow for their sake and for yours.

How do single parents find people to date?

It’s probably been a long time since you were in the dating scene, and you may have lost touch with your single friends and activities. One way to meet new people is through your friends. Perhaps your best friend knows someone they think would be perfect for you. Take a chance. Go on a blind date.

You also have a constraint that many singles don’t: time. It’s important for you to plan your social activities well in advance so you can get a baby-sitter or make other arrangements for your children. So, whatever you do to meet new people can’t be a spur-of-the-moment decision.

Many areas have singles groups where you can meet other unattached people. As long as you don’t have to make commitments, this is a great way to meet people. Group social activities are fun and safe. You get a chance to get to know people before being alone with them.

You may even be able to find social groups specifically for single parents. This way, you’ll meet people whose lives are more like yours. They have the same challenges and problems. You may find it easier to relate to another single parent, and certainly they will be more understanding when something comes up at the last minute.

What about relationships?

You are the only person who knows if you’re ready to start a serious relationship. Of course, you are not alone, and your children will influence your readiness and willingness to get into a relationship.

You need to be very clear in your own mind about where you are and what you want. Perhaps you only want companionship and social contact. If you’re not ready to get serious, let your dates know. Don’t allow yourself to become more involved than you can handle emotionally. Your first few dates shouldn’t be serious, and you don’t need to involve your children with your casual dates.

But if you’re lonely and feel you need someone to love, you may be more interested in getting serious. First, you must ask yourself why. Getting into a serious relationship because you’re lonely isn’t a great idea. You want to get involved with a person, not just fill a hole in your life. Be sure of your motives before you allow things to get to serious.

What to do when on a date?

You’ll want to know that your dates will be both fun and safe. Your family depends on you, and taking chances to date isn’t wise. Always be sure someone knows where you’re going and who you’re going with. Let them know when you’ll be home, and take your cell phone with you in case of an emergency. Let your date know about your family and that you might get a call. No surprises is a good policy.

When you go out, you’ll want to do something that helps you get to know each other. Look for places where you can talk and activities that encourage conversation and interaction. Movies aren’t a good idea for those first few dates because they don’t provide a good get-to-know-you environment. Better to go bowling or play miniature golf than to go to a movie.

For first dates especially, it’s important that you go to public places. Your personal safety is very important, and you don’t want to take chances with people you don’t know. You might even want to arrange to meet your date somewhere so that you aren’t dependent on them for your ride home.