Parenting and Family Education

Posts Tagged ‘Style’

The life of a parent undergoes a dramatic change with the birth of a child and it requires that he or she need to make certain decisions like choosing between bottle or breast, carriage or stroller, continuing work or staying home, employing a nanny or opting for day care.

With children growing up, these decisions continue to change and parents need to decide on the school the child must attend, their meals, allowances, after-school activities and more. All these decisions are dependent on the parenting style and attitude which will influence how the child is taught and learns to socialize.

A Complicated Matter with No Easy Answers

Parenting is a complicated matter with no easy answers available, and many different interactions concerning certain actions and attitudes on the part of parents need to be put together which will affect the development of the child. Such a broad overall pattern of parental actions are termed as a parenting style; not a single act.

Parenting styles may differ and they were best described by Diana Baumrind as well as other researchers in child development. They sought out qualities in children that were most desirable such as innocence, maturity, independence, self-reliance, curiosity, self-control, friendliness as well as achievement orientation and they further quizzed parents to ascertain which elements of parenting nurtured such qualities, and then came up with two factors, which are responsiveness or warmth as well as supportiveness, and demandingness or control of the child’s behavior.

The four major parenting styles they found were authoritarian, authoritative, permissive and uninvolved. After further research, they came to conclude that the best adjusted children, especially when it came to social competence, were children of parents that belonged to an authoritative, moderate parenting style. Such parents were able to balance high demands with emotional responsiveness as well as respect for the autonomy of their children.

In contrast, parents that are too strict expect their children to accept parental judgments without argument and do not allow much freedom to the child. Children under such parenting style influences will be reliant on authority and will not be able to show much spontaneity. Authoritative parents, in sharp contrast, allow their children freedom of expression and encourage a sense of independence in their children.

Parenting style can influence the child and it has been found that children of authoritarian mothers were five times more likely to be overweight as compared to authoritative mothers, while children of permissive or uninvolved parents were three times more at risk.

The art of parenting has evolved over the years to the point where there are now no set styles which new parents need to adopt. However, this doesn’t stop the continued debate about which parenting style is ‘right’ for children. Is it necessary to be a firm disciplinarian in order to teach your children respect? Or is a more cooperative style that allows children to develop their own inner discipline the better way to go? Or perhaps a more permissive style is better to allow children to be free spirits before the harsh realities of life descend as they hit adulthood? This debate raises other questions like whether a parent should be a friend or a distant disciplinarian? Is there such a thing as middle ground as a friendly disciplinarian?

If you are grappling with working out the best parenting style then its time to take a deep breathe and relax. There is no ideal parenting style, there is only the parenting style that works for you and your family. That’s because you can’t decide when you are pregnant which parenting style you will adopt and then rigidly stick to it throughout your child’s life. Well, you can try doing that. But your child will test you in ways that you can’t even imagine and so a hard and fast rule maybe quickly discarded because its inadequate from the circumstances you find yourself in.

The main principle of any parenting style should be about making sure that your child know from the first day of life that they have your unconditional love. Beyond that the other building blocks for your life together will gradually take shape as your child grows up and as you grow with them. You will, however, have to work at finding a consistent parenting style that sets limits for your offspring while still responding with flexibility.

In the first days, months and even years of your child’s life you will be discovering both your and your child’s strengths and weaknesses. You will also learn what you can tolerate and what you can’t (and the things that you can’t accept may not be what you thought they would be). Many parents expect themselves to be able to satisfy all their child’s needs. However, this isn’t realistic and no parent can be everything to a child nor should a parent be a child’s total world. Children mature by gradually expanding beyond the boundaries their parents place around them for their protection. It is the parent’s responsibility to set these boundaries and then be wise enough to move them as the child grows up.

Beside love, limits and flexibility another hallmark of an effective parenting style is communication. No parent child relationship will exist without stress, strain and at times arguments and pain. If a parent endeavors to establish strong open lines of communication from the very first days of the parent child dynamic then their relationship will survive the difficult days which accompany any child’s growth into adulthood.

That communication may not always be sitting down and discussing life as this is often too intense for a child. Some parents find a common interest can provide a safe haven for getting along when times get rough. Other times it may just be making time for each other one on one. Something as simple as sharing a meal in a favorite restaurant or making time to read together can create that all important conduit for communication.

Whatever style of parenting you adopt, you would be wise to remember the one basic rule: Treat your child with the same love and respect with that you would like for yourself. Often the best way to teach is by modelling the behavior yourself.

Good mothers and fathers come in many styles. Each one of us has different strengths, interests, and values that make us great parent. Donâ??t let yourself become discouraged or disappointed when others â??give you adviceâ?? that doesnâ??t seem to mesh with who you are. Maybe youâ??re not a roll around on the floor kind of parent with your child.  Maybe youâ??ve decided to hang back and let your little one explore. Thatâ??s great! As long as it works for you and your child, nobody should be able to convince you that your method is incorrect or wrong. Once you recognize and embrace your own personal parenting style, you can stop trying to live up to everyone else’s expectations and get on with the business of enjoying being a parent.

Itâ??s important to keep in mind too, that these well-meaning advice givers donâ??t know your child as well as you.  They arenâ??t there with your child night and day, watching him grow, learn, explore, play, eat, and sleep.  Only you know whatâ??s best for your child, and you know what works best in your household and for your lifestyle.  As with anything, figuring things out along the way will involve trial and error.Â

So when you receive yet another unsolicited piece of advice regarding your childâ??s napping or nighttime sleeping habits, keep both your and your childâ??s personal style in mind.  Youâ??ve done the legwork, youâ??ve experimented, and youâ??ve learned together what works and what doesnâ??t work.  The cues should come from your instincts regarding your child and from your child directly.  Thereâ??s no such thing as a hard-and-fast rule for sleep habits among children other than it is needed! As your child grows, his cues may change, but as long as you stay in tune with him, his sleep habits shouldnâ??t have to suffer as a result. And neither should yours.